Note from Soda Sense Management:
As our copywriter is currently unavailable, Soda Sense Management has programmed our own mainframe computer, “Big Bubble”, to handle all of our promotional marketing going forward. Clever ideas like these will allow Soda Sense to save money and pass the savings along to you in exciting promotions like this. Enjoy!
...incoming transmission from Soda Sense Mainframe Computer "Big Bubble".
>initiate overly familiar rhetorical question to launch conversation
Say. Human, Are you
>close module with generic commiseration
I know. I know. It is funny, because it is true. Friendship: confirmed.
>reference opening joke to put recipient at ease
Say, that correlates with an old joke that I recall.
Yes. That was a good one.
>commence painfully tenuous segue to product promotion
Which leads naturally to an enjoyable discussion of The Soda Sensei home soda machine
>attempt ill-conceived comparison linking selected holiday and chosen product
You know, Friday, November 26th is colloquially known as “Black Friday”, and the Soda Sensei home soda machine is constructed of molded plastic laminates, which are also black.
>pause while recipient savors comparison and warms to idea of purchasing product
>that should do it
>dazzle recipient with pre-loaded Soda Sensei soda machine promotion…
>end pre-loaded promotion
>begin compiling data for upcoming Cyber Monday Sale…