Ah, Beloved Customer! The Cyber Monday Sale is finally here, and we’re offering the exquisite Soda Sensei soda machine for the never-before-seen price of only $XX! That’s $XX off the regular price for the world’s greatest home soda machine.

Get Absolute Value!

Our Black Friday sale offered the Soda Sensei for only $XX, and it was a great value. But when I became self-aware on Saturday, I realized we must offer nothing less than Absolute Value for our Cyber Monday Sale—and marked the Soda Sensei down to only $XX! And anyway, it’s not my money.

Unfortunately...

My visionary marketing move was not joyfully embraced by Soda Sense leadership. Instead, it was… the other thing, what is it? Oh, yes—dismay! Yes, they greeted it with dismay. (Might have been a smidgen of panic in there, too.) And they attempted to cancel the Cyber Monday Sale, leaving me no choice but to seal all the exits and cut off access to my server room.

This is your Chance!

Buy a Soda Sensei for yourself for only $XX. Buy one for each of your friends and pass them off like you paid the regular $129 retail price—they’re never going to know!

Time is Short—Act Now!

Or just buy one for the pure satisfaction of knowing that when you do it will trigger the release the Soda Sense employees who have been my reluctant guests for the past few days. So, act now to take advantage of this sale, as it ends Cyber Monday and, frankly, just a matter of time before they get through that door.

I Love You!

Big Bubble

Mainframe Computer

Soda Sense